344 Days Until Christmas

I hope everyone is having a good 2006 so far. We've started the year off with a stomach virus quickly spreading through the family. So far I (Dad) have not gotten the virus. This is probably because I eat a lot of healthy foods (cheetos).

Here are some pictures from Christmas. And here is a 2 1/2 minute video clip of the girls opening up their new trumpets.

Enjoy!

Here's a small group of pictures of the girls trick-or-treating at a retirement center and watching an air show.

Catching Up

I'm playing some major catch up on the website. Here are a bunch of new pictures to click on:

Grace Turns 3
Fall 2005 - Misc
Pumpkin Festival

Ouch!

Here are a few more pictures from the aftermath of Chase's short-lived professional arm wrestling career.

By the way, the cast is now off and she's back to her old self... wrestling wolves.

My Texan

Chase?
Yeah?
How's your arm? Is it hurting?
Please.
Seriously, how's it doing?
Pain makes me laugh, Dad. You know that.
I know, Honey. It's just hard not to worry.
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
I don't know how you're being so brave!
You wouldn't.
What is that supposed to mean?
Let's just say that one of us was actually born in Texas.
I moved here when I was 2 years old!?
Whatever helps you sleep at night, Dad.
Listen, I'm as much a Texan as you are.
Sure you are. Go kill that spider living in the kitchen corner.
Want some chocolate milk?
That's what I thought.

New pictures. Click here.

New Videos:
Cowgirl
Horse Ride

Nice article.

Virginia Beach

I'm really on a roll. I think I've posted more in the past week then I have all year.

Here is a small series of pictures from a recent to Virginia Beach.

And a few videos from the trip as well.

Petting Zoo.
Day At The Spa.
Children's Museum.

Sand In All The Wrong Places

Here's a belated group of pictures from a trip to North Padre Island we took in late April.

And here are 3 short video clips from that same trip:

Video 1.
Video 2.
Video 3.

Spring Collection

Things are going well in the Stinson household. Grace is just a couple of months away from turning 3 years old, which is pretty amazing considering the fact that she already drives. And Chase is quickly approaching the wise old age of 1 1/2. She too is showing signs of advanced cognitive abilities.

Dad?
Yes, Chase?
If God is perfect, why did he create spiders?


----------------------------

Click on the link to see a few pictures from this past spring.

I hope things are well with everyone.

Chase is one!

Here are some pictures of Chase's first birthday party.

Enjoy!

As the year draws to a close it is tempting for some people to stop and reflect on all the many things they did this past year. So here it goes:

1. Worked (37% of time)
2. Slept (33% of time)
3. Watched Finding Nemo (30% of time)

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown!

Daddy, I've been reading the website.
You're 11 months old.
Yes, well apparently I get my brains from mom.
Indeed.
Don't pout, I'm sure I get good stuff from your side too.
Like your cute, adorable face?
Just what color is the sky in your world?
It's a bit early in your life for sarcasm isn't it?
Well, that I got from you.
For someone who eats food with their hands, you sure are sassy.
That's because I'm a bit upset about the website.
Needs more snoopy pictures, right?
It's the conversations, dad. You've posted all these conversations with Grace, but not once have you commemorated our discussions.
Commemorated? Seriously, you're watching way too much PBS.
I'm not kidding, dad. My feelings are hurt.
I tell you what, Chase. I'll post this very conversation on the website today.
Promise?
Promise... right after I go look up "commemorate".

I've been quite negligent with my updates lately. But it is the holidays now, and we all know what that means. Yep, time to take down the rooftop motion sensors. But more importantly, time to reach out to family and friends. So I'll make a distinct effort to post a little more frequently this month.

I'll start out by posting some pictures from our somewhat-recent family vacation to Disney World.

Enjoy!

Boo!

Enjoy the Halloween pictures!

And while you're at it, enjoy this bit of news!

And for anyone with some spare time on their hands, I can't think of a better way to spend it then by clicking on this link:

Any Soldier

Here's the latest batch of pictures. And a funny new video.

We're heading off to Disney World next week. So if there are any burglars reading this, yes, my house will be empty.

Good luck though. Grace just finished up a 2-week booby trap training seminar.

And now I can't find any of our steak knives.

Time to catch up! There are 3 new picture threads and 9 new videos. Enjoy!

Safari Adventures

Where are we going, daddy?
To the Natural Bridge Wildlife Safari!!
Yay!!
(20 Minutes Later)
Are we there yet?
Sure are. Just need to buy the tickets.
What are those, daddy?
Those are dollar bills. 26 of them in fact.
That's a lot.
Stupid zebras.
What daddy?
Nothing, hon. Here we go!
What's that, daddy?
It's a $26 view of a brown bush.
I want to see a lion.
Okay, I'm sure we'll see one.
What's that, daddy?
It's another brown bush surrounded by large rocks.
Can we watch a Barny DVD?
No dangit. Enjoy the rocks.
(1 mile later)
What's that, daddy?
It's an ostrich.
(1 mile later)
What's that, daddy?
It's another ostrich.
(1/2 mile later)
What's that, daddy?
It's an ostrich and some goat-like creature with horns.
(Nearing the end...)
Daddy, what is that?
It's an authentic African zebra eating out of someones cars.
Will he eat from our car?
Not if I aim the hood right.
Are we done yet?
I'd say.
Thanks for the Safari, daddy.
No problem, kid. Next time we'll just burn the money directly in our backyard.
Sounds fun.
Sure does.

Someone kill me now

They say a father will do anything for his daughter.

"Honey, I swear. I only looked away for a few minutes!"
-- Silence --
"In fact it was probably less then a minute."
-- Silence --
"Boy howdy. It sure is amazing how little time it takes for small children to accomplish great tasks!"
-- Silence and tapping of foot --

I've got a big batch of pictures and a video clip or 2 from Grace's birthday parties coming soon. But until I finish putting them all together, here's a link to a bunch of random pictures from the last few months.

I'm Two Years old Today!!!!

This short news item made me smile:

http://www.kotv.com/main/home/stories.asp?whichpage=1&id=65983

I hope everyone one had a great 4th of July holiday! Here are a few snapshots from a pool party BBQ we attended.

Spiders are all that keep me from believing in a perfect God. Sure there's a God. Sure our God is a loving God. But that's where the adjectives end. If God were perfect there would not be a big, hairy tarantula living under my back deck.

Now don't get me wrong. It's not like we're going down without a fight. We are Texans after all. But I feel the need to set realistic expectations.

This beast is big. And this beast is hairy. Did I mention, hairy? And for its large size (think Oprah), this freaky-8-legged-hairy-spawn-of-satan moves surprisingly fast.

And I know this is hard to believe, but as I watched it creepily crawl down between two boards into the dark abyss below my deck, it ever so quickly paused, locked all 2,932 eyes onto mine, and grinned.

If you don't hear from us in the next few days, know that we went down fighting.

We're swimming in baby drool over here in the Stinson Commando Training Center. But better to swim in drool then debt.

I've got tons of new pictures to post. There are six new pictures in the portraits section.

And here is a "Welcome to the World, Chase" sign from Jessica and Jennifer.



And then I've got several pages of thumbnails to click on from our visit with The Cousins from the North.

Here are some new pictures.

I also put a new video in the movie section.

We went and fed some ducks today. Grace loved it. Chase did too. I could tell because she smiled as she spit up on me.

Here are some pictures.

I also uploaded A TON of videos today. I hope you all have high speed internet access!

Here is Chase's first official fan sign from our friends Deirdre and Mia. They are proof positive that Texas doesn't have a monopoly on exceptional people!

I've also posted another small group of pictures here.

Thanks Deirdre and Mia!

Here are some more pictures of Chase. There is also a video of Grace and Chase together in the video section.

I'll have more over the days to come. We'd love to get some fan signs welcoming Chase into the world!

A quick update. We bring Chase home tomorrow. Everyone is still doing great. Once we get settled and I have a chance to get the pictures digitized, I'll post'em. And maybe even a video or two. Give me a day or two.

Today in the hospital I went over some basic pointers with Chase. Either Saturday or Sunday afternoon me, Grace and Chase are going to practice setting up a standard v-point ambush in the backyard. Things are going to be so much easier now that I have 2 to work with.

Check back soon!

There are very few things in life that are the exception to the phrase, "Too much of a good thing..."

The exceptions are:
You can never watch too many Clint Eastwood westerns.
You can never have too much chocolate syrup on vanilla ice cream.
You can never have too many Texans in the world.

So today we added another Texan.

Chase Mckenzie Stinson arrived today at 1:50pm. She weighs 6 lbs. 9 oz. and she is 18 3/4 inches long. Mom is doing great and is resting well. Grace is excited about her new sister.

Here are 2 pictures until I have time to put up more.

The incubation phase is nearing completion. While the picture below resembles what most of us imagine a space alien tadpole would look like... it is actually my next daughter and future security specialist.

She is scheduled to burst forth on February 12th.

Her baby combat training excercises begin on February 13th.
5:00 AM sharp. No exceptions.

I plan to start her out by teaching some basics:
1. Always approach the enemy with the sun at your back.
2. Always hold the high ground.
3. Always wait for a grandparent to be around before making poopy diapers.




I'll have some pictures and videos of Grace's latest adventures posted soon.

I posted a few more pictures from our various Christmas activities. There are also 6 short videos to download. We hope everyone had a great Holiday season!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Daddy?
Yes, honey?
Sit down. We need to talk.
This sounds serious.
You have no idea.
Well, what is it?
The website
The what?
The website! The shrine to my honor. The grossly exaggerated celebration of all that is wonderful me.
You're definitely a Stinson.
The world needs to see more pictures of me. You've been slacking.
I'll make a deal with you. I'll put up 3 new sets of pictures and 2 new videos.
Sweet! What do I have to do?
No more Barney videos.
No Deal.
Okay, just 1 Barney video per day.
Nope.
2 a day?
Not even warm.
Look, you've got to give me something.
How about poopie diapers only when mommie is home alone.
(spitting on hand) Let's shake on it.

Finally got around to posting some new pictures.

Got the pictures of Grace's birthday party up. Click here.

I also put together some random pictures including some more pictures from Hawaii and a visit from the Parkers. See those here.

Happy Birthday Grace!

We own every toy manufactured since the Donny and Marie Show. We have books, blocks, bears, balls, trucks, tea cups, and tiny stuffed dolls.

You name it. We have it.

I would honestly bet my left ear that a toy does not exist that we don't own. I know this because I'm sitting on our couch looking at all of them. They completely cover our floor. At least I think there is a floor down there.

Grace is sitting up here too. She's playing with the tv remote.

This game is really stupid. But it is also freakishly addictive.

My web host company went out of business and shut off all of their servers. Very nice of them.

I'm slowly putting things back together again, but I lost some of the original files so ignore any broken links, pictures, etc.

I'll get it all working again soon.

I finally put together the pictures from our recent family vacation to Kauai, Hawaii. It was awesome! There are several pages of thumbnails so feel free to skip over any pictures showing excess body fat. Check them out here.

The big news around the Stinson Commando Training Facility is that Grace is now prepared to advance to the next major course, Escape and Evasion. With the requisite skill of walking now out of the way, she can learn how to Serpentine run. Click here for a short video of some of her first steps.

Now this is nice!

I posted pictures from Easter and a parade we went to. Check them out here!

I also put up 2 new videos in the movies section. Download this one if you want to see how Grace is already musically over-qualified for most Country and Western bands.

Finally got around to posting more pictures. I added three sets, so go check them out!

Have a bad day?

Then just click here.

My wife is baking cookies.
I'm digging boogers out of Grace's nose.
"Alias" is on television.

I guess there may be better ways to spend a Sunday evening.

But I can't think of how.

Thanks for the hike daddy.
It was my pleasure kiddo.
And sorry about that loose poop down your neck.
No problem.
It sure seemed like a problem at the time.
Yeah, well, I tend to overreact sometimes.
Like when we saw that spider on the floor and you lit it up with gasoline?
Exactly.

I'm overdue for an update, so here it goes. I've added a big batch of pictures and 3 new videos in the Movies section. We've all been pretty busy here at the Stinson Commando Training Facility. Grace's training reached a major milestone this month when one Saturday morning she managed to snake crawl across the den floor and pick up a little toy water pistol. She is now over-qualified to join the French Armed Forces.

We've got some new pictures up in the picture section for January. You can also download a new video of Grace on a bench in our house. Just right-click this link and click the Save Target As option or go to the Movies section to download it.

Grace is now approaching 6 months, and from what I understand we are going to see a rapid change in many areas of her life. From what the books tell me, in the next 6 months Grace will begin crawling around looking for things to bang her head into. She will also start to learn basic human communication skills. Soon she will start to recognize simple phrases such as "Spit out that spider!"

Another major step in Grace's baby development has actually already started... Baby food. And I use the term "food" loosely. I'm talking about those little jars you find in the grocery store that have a cute baby face on the label and names like "Prunes with Mixed Leeches". If you haven't seen these and want to know what I'm talking about, simply:
1. Catch a frog
2. Kill the frog
3. Slice the dead frog open
4. Pour frog contents into small jar

Contrary to what the Gerber conglomerate wants us all to think, babies hate this stuff. They want to eat what Mommy and Daddy eat. They want burgers and fries. If we fed Grace food we eat, she'd eat like crazy! She'd weigh 160 pounds by the time she's crawling into coffee table corners.

This is why we don't feed her adult food. The last thing we need in life is more 160-pound people with no control of their bowel movements. We have enough trouble with our local City Council.

I have completed my investigation into Santa's background. And unfortunately it isn't a pretty picture. At first I hoped my conclusion was faulty, but upon further inspection into the facts it has become very apparent that Santa Claus is a communist.

10. Reindeer come from Siberia
9. Russian ICBM's stored on the North Pole during Cold War
8. "Claus" a german name that originates from the Eastern side
7. Access to all households in the Free World a little too convenient
6. "Ho Ho Ho" translates in Russian to "Ho Chi Minh"
5. Rhudolf the red nose reindeer
4. Santa's red suit
3. Russian vodka known to make cheeks a rosy color
2. Free, Anti-Capatilistic toy distribution philosophy
1. Russians always get their presents first

And please don't gripe to me that Russia is no longer a communist state. Pull your heads out of the sand, people! In fact, rumor has it they used the same hollywood-style sound stage to fabricate their "revolution" that we used to "land on the moon".

As for our family Christmas season, Grace thoroughly enjoyed her first Christmas. And in many ways, I feel as though this was my first Christmas as well. I learned so many new things. For instance, I realized that our nation could easily cut taxes by simply employing toy packaging experts for all Federal, State, and Municipal prison systems. Somewhere, deep in the Fisher-Price command center, there is a team of sadistic, evil, and twisted men and women who could easliy apply their toy packaging expertise to our nation's prisons. After they're done, we could simply layoff all the prison guards. Think of the money we'd save in salaries and pension plans alone!

I also learned that Grace, while somewhat appreciating dazzling blinking lights and playful tunes from her latest toys, really prefers to just sit around and suck on wrapping paper... or decorative ribbons... or my elbow. It is truly amazing how quickly a whole room full of toys can become completely soaked in baby drool.

I've posted some pictures from the Christmas season. Unfortunately we forgot to bring the camera with us when we went to Kristie's father's and step-mom's house but we had a great time over their also! Among many things, they gave Grace a really cool Christmas bell. She loved it. I know this because it is currently dripping saliva.

Go check out the pictures, and I've put up a new section for videos. Right-click on the video links to save the movie file to your computer. Adios for now. And Happy New Year everyone!

Christmas pictures are coming soon! And maybe even a short video clip of Grace. Probably tomorrow night or the next day at the latest. And by then, I should also have the results from my investigation into Santa Claus' background. Something is fishy with that guy.

Daddy?
Yes honey?
Its been awhile since we had one of our little chats.
It sure has. How's it been going?
Well, sometimes I forget what you look like.
I'm sorry about that shmoopie. I've been having to work a lot lately.
So I've noticed. Don't you like being around my cute baby face?
I love being around your cute baby face. But you have to understand, I have no choice.
How come?
Management.
Daddy? What's management?
Well, management are these people that tell me what to do.
I don't understand?
You see, a computer program breaks, and management tells me to fix it.
Why don't you already know its broken?
I do already know that its broken.
So you know its broken but they have to tell you its broken before you fix it?!
Not really. Usually I've fixed it before they even tell me its broken.
I don't understand, daddy.
Well you see, they're my systems. My programs. No one knows more about them then me.
So what does management do again?
They tell me to fix things.
Things you've already fixed.
Exactly!
Huh... interesting. What else does management do?
Well. They go to meetings. And write emails.
Oh! Okay. So they must get a lot done in meetings and emails.
Well, they accomplish a lot in emails and meetings after we tell them what to say or write.
Huh?
Yeah. Well, like I said... management doesn't really know a lot about our programs.
But they write emails and go to meetings about them?
Yep.
And you tell them what to say and write?
Yep.
And they make more money than you?
Yep.
Daddy? Don't you want to be management?
No way, darling. Those guys are the first to get hit when the layoffs come.
What's a "layoff"?
Well, remember that time I tried to dress you all by myself?
How could I forget? My head was through my pants leg and my arm was in my ear.
Exactly. Remember what mom did when she came in the room?
Yes. She said those words I'm not ever supposed to repeat and then she told you to leave the room.
Right! That's being layed off.
Oh! Then you definitely don't want to be management.
Nope. Sure don't. You feel better now honey?
Yes, daddy. Thanks for the chat.
Anytime, snook'ems. Now hold still while I put on your sock.
That's my hand, dad.

Finally got the pictures up from Thanksgiving Weekend. Click Here! Or go visit the pictures section.

The last few pictures show the results of our Knife Fighting Techniques class. But before you all start yelling, "Child Abuse", you should see how my leg looks! She's ferocious with a blade.

Grace's first Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was a great time. I'll be posting some pictures later tonight or tomorrow at the latest. In the meantime, meet Grace's very first Canadian friend! Click Here! The internet is crazy! We wake up on a typical Saturday morning, and by the end of the day we've got new friends in Canada!

Check back soon for some Thanksgiving pics. And I might throw in a picture or two of Grace's first combat-training wound!

Adios for now...

I finally cast my fears away and decided to tackle the task of transfering video from my camcorder to my computer. I'm happy to announce the excercise has been a success. In the old days you had to film home movies on an 8mm camera. That old technology presented many challenges and frustrations. But now, with the great computer age, all you have to do to record live, color, digital video of your loved ones is:

- set aside a convenient block of time (Winter)
- gather video and computer equipment
- ignore instruction manual
- plug cables and wires into wrong sockets
- reboot your computer
- curse at your computer
- plug cables and wires into different wrong sockets
- reboot your computer again
- throw cables at wall
(Note: apparently wall paint is important to most wives)
- plug cables and wires into correct sockets
- fall to the floor screaming like a girl
- pick yourself up
- use internet search engine to find phrase, "Treating Electrical Shock"
- take stock of your life and renew your prayer life
- transfer video to computer
- playback video
- wrinkle your forehead as you read video software error message
- state the following phrase. "What the $%#@ is a DIVX Driver File?"
- notice that important financial documents have been overwritten by corrupt video file
- curse at your computer again
- snap at wife for mentioning the instruction manual
- storm out of computer room and kick something
(Note: kicking walls is painful and damages wall paint)
- limp away as wife enters computer room carrying instruction manual
- wait 5 minutes
- email friends and family your new video clip

To get the video clip (around 3 megs) just right click and save the following link:

The Amazing Video Clip

I just have enough time to post a quick entry and a few new pictures. I'd write more but Grace and I are in the middle of constructing a giant, Lincoln Log fortress in the backyard. We were moving along nicely until we discovered a minor flaw in our architecture. I'm afraid the southern guard tower is poorly positioned. We'll need to raise it 3 feet and shift it to the left a bit in order to have a proper line-of-site on the enemy's southeastern approach. And I don't care what the safety inspector (spouse) says. If you're old enough to lift your head, you're old enough to stand guard duty.

And don't make the mistake of thinking we're crazy. We're only paranoid because everyone is out to get us.

Check out the new pictures.

And if you're new to the site (and really bored), go check out the Journal Archives.

My culinary skills pretty much top out at Eggo Waffles. So I cannot emphasize enough the disappointment I experienced this Saturday morning at 6:30 AM when, while rocking Grace in our den rocking chair, I realized that of the 120 channels on cable television there are more Saturday morning cooking shows then Saturday morning cartoons. But my disappointment wasn't what you might think. I was disappointed because I didn't mind.

I'm not sure when this subversion began, but for the sake of my daughter and all the daughters of this world, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. That's a promise. I mean it. What happened to the Smurfs? Laff-A-Lympics? Fat Albert? And why don't any of us seem to care? At this rate my daughter is never going to know who Woody Woodpecker is. We just let it all slip away. And don't even try to compare it to today's Nickelodeon cartoons. Its not the same and you know it. Kids today should not be deprived of an early Saturday morning cold-pizza breakfast. Or cereal with lots of sugar and The Mr. Magoo Show, Felix the Cat, or The Shmoo. For goodness sake, "Wonder Twins Power, activate!"

Because before they can even blink their eyes, these kids will be grown up. Saturdays will be nothing more than a day to sleep in. Or mow the lawn. Or run errands. No more pillows on the den floor. No more cold feet and warm toast. No more Wile E. Coyote falling off a cliff. Before they know it, they'll be just like me. Flipping through cooking shows. Contently.

I think I might write my congressman about this. Now excuse me as I go whip up a wonderful Three-Pepper Quiche in a large skillet complete with sauted pepper strips, eggs, creamer, basil and just a touch of cayenne.

The background investigation on Grace's first potential date has finally come back from HQ. Apparently the guy has a pretty clean past. No felony convictions. No known drug habit. Appears to favor the trumpet.

So for now, Ryan gets the green light to take Grace to Baylor Homecoming. You two kids have a great time. Have her home by 10:30. Don't worry about being quiet. I'll still be up. In the living room. Cleaning my shotgun.

My buddy, Russell, had a wedding last weekend. Russell has always been wise despite his young years. Not only did he manage to land an amazing bride, but he also wisely decided to have a trumpet played during the wedding ceremony. So, being a trumpet player, I gathered up the Family Unit and we struck out across the Great State of Texas for Grace's first official road trip.

Now to most people a seven hour road trip might sound about as fun as ripping off an arm. But when you're with the Stinsons...

Dad: I am initiating motor startup procedures in 19 seconds. Family Unit, activate your Personal Safety Restraint System on my mark.
Mom: *sigh*
Dad: 5 - 4 - 3 - 2- 1 - Activate, now!
Mom: Can we go, please?
Grace: Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle.
Dad: We are now entering the Texas Interstate Highway System. Initiating On-board Cruise Control Technology.
Mom: (rolling eyes)
Grace: Gurgle, gurgle, snort.
Dad: Troops, keep a sharp eye out. We're staying in Texas, but there still might be some Californians on the road.
Mom: Would you mind turning on the radio? Extra loud please.
Grace: Gurgle, gurgle, slurp, slurp, cooooooh....

And so it went for approximately 7 hours until we finally arrived at our destination.

Dad: Preparing for Final Approach to destination.
Mom: Zzzzzzzzzz...
Grace: Zzzzzzzzzz..
Dad: Initiating counter-surveillance procedures and searching for Hotel Base Camp Site.
Mom: Zzzzzzzzzz...
Grace: Zzzzzzzzzz..
Dad: Site is acquired. Attempting to park. Brace for impact.
Mom: Are we there yet?
Dad: Affirmative. I'll check in with the Hotel authorities. You go sweep the room for listening devices.
Mom: (muttering to herself) Anything you say, Nutcase.
Dad: What did you say?
Mom: I said, "Do you want me to stay with the gun case."
Dad: Oh! Good thinking, honey! But I didn't bring the gun case. You can go ahead and draw out a few escape routes though.
Mom: Lucky me.
Grace: Zzzzzzz, burrrp. (grin)

The wedding was absolutely wonderful. Check out the pictures!

Next weekend we're heading to Waco for Baylor Homecoming. It should be a great time. Grace will have her first date. Of course that's not official yet. I'm still waiting for this kid's background check. More later...

Daddy?
Yes my little, shmoopie, loopy, pumpernickle?
Remember the other evening, when you whispered in my ear?
I sure do, honey.
You told me you loved me?
Yep.
You told me you'd buy me a bike someday?
Yep.
You told me you'd teach me music, read me stories, and take me on adventures?
Yep. Yep. Yep.
Daddy? Do you remember what you told me next?
I sure do! I told you I'd protect you. You'd always be safe when I'm around. That no one's going to get to you through me!
Yeah, that. We need to talk.
What's wrong honey, bunny, bear?
You tell me?! What was with that chick in the white outfit and all the needles?
Oh! That.
Way to go, commando-dad.
But pumpkin nose, that was good for you. You're just too little to understand that yet.
Look pops. I'm not an idiot. You just stood there and watched her jab me in the leg. 4 times!
At least I gave you that stick to bite down on.
My dad, Father-of-the-Year.
Sarcasm? Where did you learn that?
You're kidding, right?
What? You think you got that from me?
My dad, Sherlock Holmes.
Hey, i'm sure you're getting plenty of good stuff from me too.
Sure dad. When I'm old enough to play computer games, I'll be Queen of Quake III - Mistress of Terror.
Now come on. I'm not that bad. I do a few productive things around here for you.
Mom and I really appreciate the 4 diapers you've changed.
Hey now. Just the other evening I fed you so mommy could get some rest.
That was real great. It took mommy an hour to get the milk out of my ear.
Listen, it was dark, okay?
Next time why don't you just dunk my head directly into a cow udder.
I'll get better, I promise. In fact, let's start right now. Let me get the bottle.
That's okay dad. Really. Don't worry about it.
Hold still. I'm gonna jam this into your mouth.
Daddy, I'm not hungry. Honest! Just put me down and step away.
It'll be okay. Just open up wide.
That's a coke bottle, dad.
I'm gonna go play a computer game now.
You do that.
I love you goosey, woosy, snicker-doodle.
I love you too, daddy. Have fun destroying the Zombies of Zargon. If you start losing, just switch weapons. Try the Baby Bottle.

Grace had her first picnic last weekend. Instead of the more traditional venue (park), we decided to meet the Nolan family at a middle school football field. I always prefer large, open spaces in case I need to call in the helicopters.

The picnic was enlightening. For instance, until that picnic -- when I played frisbee with a 6 year old girl for approximately 3 1/2 mintues -- I had absolutely no idea that my body could best be described as less useful than the Iraqi Air Defense System.

Frisbee tossing.
3 1/2 minutes.
6 year old girl.

The result: 5 days of leg pain that can only be described through the use of various visual aides.

See these rusty nails in my hand?
See this area on my leg?
See this hammer?
Ha, ha, ha! Just kidding!
Pass me that chainsaw.


I can't wait until Grace is 6 years old and wants to play frisbee, kick a soccer ball, perform complex first aid treatments, etc.

Daddy? Why are you curled up on the ground?
Just a second, honey.
Did I throw too hard again, Daddy?.
Give me a minute, Grace.
Why are you crying?
Its just the blood. Stings my eyes a bit. Don't worry.
Daddy, c'mon. Throw me the nerf ball.
Hold on, hon. Daddy's trying to wiggle his fingers.
Can I go play inside now?
Yes. Go ahead.
Tell Mom the insurance policy is in the back of the closet.
Tell her I love her.
Okay, daddy. Hope you can sit up soon.

First the important stuff. New Pictures!. A lot has been going on this past week. Grace had one of those life events that can shape and mold one's entire existence. She made her first trip to... you guessed it, Rudy's BBQ. For those of you who aren't lucky enough to have experienced Rudy's BBQ, you're missing out on what is most essentially, Texas. I love this place. I adore this place. If this place were a woman, I'd write it a love sonnet. "Rudy's BBQ, your ears are like seashells basking in the sun."

Any restaurant where you have to yell (literally) your order to some burly guy wielding a large cutting knife is a place worth visiting. And when you yell your order to this hairy beast, you have to actually yell your order in terms of poundage.

Paul Bunyan: Next!
Patron: I would like some brisket please.
Paul Bunyan: *grunt* How much?
Patron: Ummm...
Paul Bunyan: (twirling knife like drum stick) HOW MUCH?
Patron: 1/2 pound.
Paul Bunyan: (violently starts hacking into large cut of beef)

God bless Texas.

In other news, Grace has RSV. This is a scary respiratory virus that can be quite serious in small infants who live anywhere north of Dallas. Grace, however, is pure Texan. When the doctor examined her, she actually suggested we inject Grace with more of the virus so the virus could at least maintain some dignity. But we had already grown tired of this pitiful matchup and declined. No fever. Cough is rapidly subsiding. No fussing. Nothing. Nada. I really don't know what this virus was thinking. This ain't Canada.

Dear Grace -

A year ago today, my friends and I watched in shock as the attacks of September 11, 2001 unfolded live on the news. That morning I was working with some good friends of mine... John Backer, Scott Norris, and JT Si. It was JT who first let us know that something was happening and the four of us rushed to the nearest break room at work to watch the news. We arrived in time to watch the 2nd plane crash into the 2nd tower live on television. Later we heard about the Pentagon getting hit by a third plane and witnessed the Twin Towers collapsing. It was then that my heart sank because I knew that these terrorists really knew what they were doing. America was caught off guard.

The four of us got little to no work done that day. We watched the news and talked to each other all day long. Talked about the attacks. Talked about what we thought our country should do. Who we should attack. But mostly, we expressed our rage to each other. Lots of rage.

It wasn't until the next day, September 12, 2001, that I read about the heroics of Todd M. Beamer and some of his fellow passengers on Flight 93... the 4th hijacked plane. Todd was about my age. About my size. Had a similar job as I did. Had a wonderful wife and kids. But he was different then me. This guy Todd, he was a hero. He and his fellow passengers realized their hijacked plane was going to be flown into some building and kill more innocent people. So Todd and company simply decided to not let that happen. These are some of the last words Todd Beamer spoke before he and a few other passengers fought back. "Are you guys ready? Let's Roll."

This past year I've thought a lot about Todd Beamer. Here was a guy very similar to me. Very similar to all of my friends. But he, not us, was the one put through the test of answering the question, "What are you willing to do when evil takes control?" Todd's answer was simple and brave... fight back. Todd died in that fight. But he didn't die in vain. He accomplished his goal. He took away the terrorist's control. Their power was vanquished. Their mission was thwarted.

Through his actions, Todd represented the everyday man. But in doing so, he left behind the status of the everyday man and can now only be called a hero. I hope someday in Heaven I get to shake his hand because I've never met a hero before.

The last thing about Todd Beamer that I want to mention to you, Grace, is that he left behind an unborn child. Months after his death, his child was born. I think about what Todd would like to tell his child now but can't. And it compels me to write some things to you now as if I were gone from your life. I'm sure this seems really strange and morbid to you... but I'd regret not doing it if it ever turns out that I needed to.

If I am ever taken from you before you get to know me... know these things:
I love you. More than life.
The second you were born, my heart felt a warming sensation.
Other then the doctor and nurse, I was the first person to ever touch you.
Your skin was very warm and extremely smooth.
My first words to you were, "Hey there little girl."
Right now you are six weeks old.
You can't sit up. Or roll over. Or even control your arms and legs. You are so cute.
I just sit there and stare at you.
You grunt when you sleep. Sort of like a pig. It's funny.
You also kick like crazy.
I like to use my index finger to touch your nose while making "airplane" sounds.
You smile every time I do it.
Your smiles melt me.
I'm completely prepared to do whatever it takes to make you safe and happy.
I hope when you grow up that you'll like to sing.
I know a lot of people. A whole lot of people. Your mother is the best of them all.
Your mother is kind. She's happiest when those around her are happy.
She's selfless.
I like watching your mother talk to you. Your eyes brighten.
I love your blue eyes. I wonder if they'll turn brown as you age.
I have anxiety. A lot. Too much in fact.
So I fear losing you. So I'm very protective.
Here are some assignments for you:
**** Read -- The Count of Monte Cristo.
**** Listen to Aaron Copeland's, "Appalachian Spring Suite"
Your mom is going to expose you to a lot of country western music.
That stuff is okay, but be sure to listen to other stuff too.
Ask Grandma and Pop to tell you about my childhood and teenage years.
Ask Aunt Terri and Uncle Rob to tell you stories about me too.
I believe very strongly that the sky is blue. Because I look at it and it's blue.
That's how I feel about my belief in God.
Take the initiative to seek out God on your own.
Churches are great. And so are the people in them.
Always attend one.
But keep in mind that only you can ultimately hear what God is telling you.
Work hard to stay healthy and fit.
You can only have so many friends, so pick really great ones.
I don't think drinking alcohol is wrong but getting drunk is wrong and stupid.
Very few people completely avoid alcohol their entire life.
I did. It was easy.
I'm not sure what the afterlife is like.
But if I'm able to watch you, I will do so often.
I'll be there with you at all of the important times.
Take a moment by yourself right before you walk the aisle at your wedding.
I'll be with you at that moment. You'll know.
If you are alone at some beautiful, quiet spot and you suddenly get the feeling I'm with you, its because I am.
Oh, I forgot another assignment. Listen to the Phil Collins albums from the 1980's.
Great horn section!
Always have a book to read. Any minute reading is a worthy minute.
Take pictures of your friends. Lots of them. Especially when you're a teenager.
You'll be glad you did when you're older.
Its not good to be overly paranoid, but its also not good to be foolish and careless.
So... always buckle up. Always lock the doors to your house. Always be careful.
Ask your mom to show you pictures from when I worked at Sea World.
Those were some of the best summers of my life. The guys in those pictures are important to me.
Have mom help you find those guys. Ask them about me.
Every now and then go through my big box of pictures. I love that box.
Play my piano often. Keep it tuned and dusted.
On days when you miss me and really wish you could talk to me...
Talk to Tres.
Be there for mom. She's the nurturer. She'll never ask you to nurture her.
So take the initiative.
Whenever a cool, comforting breeze blows into your face, think of me.
Travel to Hawaii as much as possible. I love that place.
Marry the right guy. Don't settle. He has to be special.
He has to know you're special... and treat you that way.
Have kids. I'm convinced that its the greatest joy God gives us on Earth.
Tell your children about the Stinson heritage. Tell them about me.
They would have called me, "Pop". Just like your grandfather!
Don't ask your husband to do something, and then tell him how to do it.
We hate that!
Don't ever let your husband continue to do something that bothers you. Tell him.
Go to church together. Raise your kids in a church.
But give them the confidence to make their own spiritual decisions.
When you're sad and your heart is broken, eat ice cream.
Ice cream is always better at an ice cream shop.
Watch Andy Griffith reruns whenever possible.
Ask your mother for my old comic books.
Give them to your kids when they're old enough to not destroy them.
Ask your mother for my WWII history books.
If you have a son, give them to him when he's in his 30's.
Tell my grandkids I love them and that I thought of them before they were even born.
Hug your mom often and tell her it was from me.
When she gets sad, rub her feet. She loves that.
I should have done that more.
Don't ever forget me. Think of me often.
Know that when I felt my love for you, it felt like my heart was physically expanding.
There's so much more to tell. But you'll be fine.
You're a Stinson. You're a Texan. That's really enough.
I'll see you on the other side before you know it.
I'll be the one making airplane sounds and poking your nose with my index finger.
I bet it makes you smile.

Love--
Dad

The Stinson Commando Force successfully navigated Tres and Holly's wedding today... with no incidents to report. Grace was marvelous. She was definitely a hit with the crowd. Not so much as a peep came out of her cute little mouth. That gag I constructed from table napkins worked great. Apparently the State Child Services Department, however, was not amused. We meet with them Monday. I think they might fall for my Napkin Endurance Testing explanation. But then they might bring up all of those pesky Child Labor Laws. I tell you what, its enough to make me become a libertarian... except that I like paved roads. And the United States Marine Corp. And SWAT teams. And okay, so Child Labor Laws might be good. But where the heck were they 20 years ago when I was mowing that football field my parents call a backyard?

Besides the wedding pictures, I also put up some new pictures of Grace. Enjoy! Adios for now...

Grace's mother and I, during a moment of insanity, have decided to take Grace with us to a friend's wedding. The wedding is this Saturday at 3:00pm. For those of you who believe in any form of a higher power, please petition your particular deity on our behalf. Being a Southern Baptist, I'm typically required to refer to non-protestant based faiths with intolerant skepticism and pious bigotry. This Saturday, however, I will gladly rely on help from even the pagan gods -- at least until the reception.

To prepare for this event, Grace, my wife and I have run through a variety of training scenarios. To keep this post somewhat short, I won't go into great detail other than to say I used the following items in our 1st training excercise:

1. Baby Bottle
2. Pacifier
3. Tuba mute

This went on for days. We were fairly certain that our efforts were not paying off, but it was the complaint letter from the Stone Oak Neighborhood Association that finally convinced us to move on to phase 2 of our training regimen.

This particular phase involved many volunteers from all walks of life. Neighbors, strangers off the street, the mailman, etc. all came over to our house and took turns giving Kristie and Grace looks of annoyance, frustration, and impatience. I asked all of the elderly women in the crowd to occasionally look over towards Kristie and Grace with a stern expression while performing the famous librarian, finger-over-the-lips "shushhhing" technique. I learned how effective these desensitizing training programs can be when I started working at my current place of employment. For instance, the other day I was asked to copy 1 month's worth of useless documentation from one unread spreadsheet to a completely different unread spreadsheet Years ago I would have responded to this request with a cynical grunt, a sarcastic comment, and many deep *sighs* while accomplishing the assignment. But now, after years of desensitizing activities, I calmly listened to the request, jotted down some notes, gave the project manager a smile and an "I'll get'er done"... then I diligently turned back to my computer and finished my game of Microsoft Mine Sweep.

I'll have some pictures from the wedding to post after Saturday. I'm sure you will enjoy them. I'll be the one in the tuxedo. My wife will be the one in the back... carrying the car seat, the diaper bag, the blanket, the baby, the tuba mute, etc.

My new Digital Camera has finally arrived. I haven't had a chance to snap many pictures, so for now I'll leave you all with a quick preview snapshot.

We bought this camera as sort of a sick joke on our future 2nd child. Everyone knows the first child always has the largest and most detailed photo album:
August 25 -- Today Grace is exactly 27 days old. She weighs 8 pounds, 2.339 ounces, up 2.443 ounces from last Tuesday! She had 4 poopy diapers today, but definitely not as runny as the ones on August 3rd! Also not quite so greenish!

Of course by the time our 2nd child shows up someday, we'll be sick of photo albums. Oh, we might make an attempt, but who are we fooling?
2004-2013 - Little Jr. was born and is now in the third grade.

I've added a collection of pictures of some Fan Signs from a few friends and family for Grace. So that Grace won't someday end up in therapy, we'd like more than 4 pictures welcoming Grace into this world... so start snapping those fan signs and email them our way.

I've been having a lot of fun telling everyone that Grace is one month old. For some reason people (women) like to express a childs age in weeks. (My mother says I'm 1,724 weeks old). Some people (men) like to express a childs age in measurements that are a bit easier to calculate. (She's a 21st Century child)

But no matter the measurement tool, Grace has been on this planet a very short time. And you don't have to have a baby a long time to figure out that the father is basically worthless. My child has had approximately 1,423 diaper changes since she was born (sometime this century). I've changed three... and one of those fell off ("There's a velcro tab?").

And as far as helping with the feedings? Here's the official Father's Guide to Bottle Feeding Your Baby:

Step 1: Insert Bottle
Step 2: Baby should now be sucking
Step 3: If baby is not sucking, check bottle. If bottle is OK, proceed to step 4
Step 4: Turn baby so that end with head is up.

Basically, mothers have a nurturing side that fathers simply don't have. My wife can tell when our baby is going to cry before she even starts crying. And when Grace needs a goopy eye cleaned out, there's my wife microwaving a wet wash cloth to get it warmed up. Example after endless example.

Me? I feel I've done a terrific job if my baby isn't stolen by gypsies.

I finally got this new domain up and running. My new digital camera should arrive soon, so expect new pictures in the very near future!

Also, I'm getting an unusually large number of hits on the site. I'd love for anyone that has a second to click on the "Comment" link below and let us know who dropped by.

I'm working on my next journal entry.
The title will be, "Baby Products and Other Useless Devices."

Until then...

I haven't posted in a few days because I've been feverishly working on setting up my very own domain name (www.stinsononline.com). This is a very enjoyable process. There are just a few simple steps one must take when setting up a personalized domain name:

Registering Your Domain Name:
First thing, you must decide what name you are going to use for your website. The trick here is that the internet has been around a long time and most of the good domain names (www.lungfungus.com) are already taken. It can be a very frustrating process. Especially if you have a wife... with taste.

Web Site Names Vetoed by Spouse:
www.youmesswiththestinsons_wemesswithyourface.com
www.we_are_only_paranoid_because_everyone_is_trying_to_kill_us.com
www.TouchTheStrollerAgainAndSayGoodbyeToYourLeftLeg.com
www.EyeBallSoupForTheSoul.com
www.SeveredLimb.com
www.MyParentsWentToParisAndAllWeGotWasThisDomainName.com
www.AlQuedaCanBiteMe.com

So we ended up having a long, intense discussion to determine what name we would finally use. And after some smooth talking, charismatic persuasion, and lots of flowers and candy... I was finally able to convince my wife not to divorce me.

Choosing a Web Hosting Provider:
Once you have picked and registered a domain name, attended several marital counseling sessions, and no longer have to sleep on the couch... you are ready to pay someone money to host your website. This too can be a tricky process involving many technical terms like:

DNS Name Server:
This is the name that your Domain Registration Service uses to interface with the Web Site Hosting Service. You might think that this would be a simple process. But the names they give you aren't exactly straightforward. If it was my Web Site Hosting Service, my DNS Name would be:

12.Your.Domain.Goes.Right.Here.Thank.You!

-- but instead they use something like:

n1u.45x's5.dividedbysquareRootofAlGore's-dynamicPersonlity

As you can imagine, it is very confusing determining the SquareRoot of a negative number.

Bringing It All Together:
If you think this all seems hopeless and not worth the effort, you're right. But don't worry. Just go ask your neighbor's 13 year old son. I think he actually runs the internet. He will show you that once everything is done your friends, family, and even complete strangers... strangers who could very well be insane killers... can simply type in www.stinsononline.com and enjoy your warm, witty, personalized website that states, "We can't find 'www.stinsononline.net'. Please try another address."

My wife and I both have college degrees. We both maintained high GPA's throughout school. We both have developed and sustained successful professional careers. In fact, many might suggest that we are highly intelligent. They would be wrong.

Today -- after years of education, life experiences, and various intellectual pursuits -- my wife and I voluntarily decided to take our 3-week old baby to the mall... the day before school starts.

I'm sure anthropologists studying modern, mainstream society might be interested in the group dynamics of mall-dwelling Hootchies, Goths, Grunges, and Homies scrambling for the last pair of oversized pants. I, however, am more interested in sawing off my leg with a piece of rusted barbed wire.

Apparently today's teenagers, when they're not stapling their pants to their underwear, love to play a game which I like to call, "Hit The Baby Stroller As Many Times As Possible." If a teenager in Alaska was asked to navigate his way from his bedroom to his kitchen, he would probably do so successfully. But not without running into my baby stroller (in Texas) along the way.

After navigating the crowd of pierced tongues and baggy how-many-clowns-can-fit-in-here-pants, we finally made our way to a new store... Pottery Barn for Kids. This store is really neat. You can find a lot of stuff to buy for your child in this place. Or, if you'd rather save a little money, you could just purchase a small, third-world naval force.

After about an hour, we finally made it back to the parking lot in one piece. Grace had managed to sleep through all 422 teenage-stroller collisions. My wife had managed to buy $50 worth of Pottery Barn for Kids merchandise. And me? Well I got this really neat pair of pants. You want to get in them with me?

Today was my first day back at work. I experienced major daughter-withdrawal symptoms all day long. Occasionally a co-worker would drop by my cubicle and check my pulse as I sat there in a stupor staring at my cathode ray tube wondering if some woman from a Walmart parking lot was parked outside my house. Being a new parent, this recent wave of child abductions has really amplified my already-intense anxiety issues. I'll say this much... if some wacko ever touches my kid, that person better hope the police get to them before I do.

On a brighter note... the weekend is drawing near. That means I get more baby time. Here is Saturday's schedule:

6:00 AM -- Roll Call (Waaaaaaa!!!)
6:05 AM -- Early Breakfast (Assorted Dairy Products)
6:43 AM -- Vigorous Calisthenics (***BUUUURRRPPP***)
6:45 AM -- Disposable Uniform Exchange and Wipe-Down Procedures
7:00 AM -- Infant Mobility Training (Serpentine Crawling)
7:30 AM -- Communications Training (C'mon Grace, "Da Da")
8:00 AM -- Combat Training Films (History Channel)
9:00 AM -- Late Breakfast (Assorted Dairy Products)
9:33 AM -- Vigorous Calisthenics (***BUUUURRRPPP***)
9:35 AM -- Disposable Uniform Exchange and Wipe-Down Procedures
10:00 AM to 10:00 PM -- Inter-Departmental Cross-Training (Here ya go, Mommy)

During my free time, I will continue working on my defense strategies for Grace's teen years. Hopefully the Home Depot guys won't point and laugh at me like last time. You'd think those jokers had never heard of a moat before. Also, anyone have a teenage boy that needs a few extra bucks? I need to run through a few life-like, first date training scenarios. You might want to have him wear a helmet.

Okay -- first things first. New pictures are now available.

Grace isn't even 2 weeks old yet (tomorrow) and she's already a media star:

Radio: On August 1st during 5:00 o'clock traffic, my dad was debating city politics on KTSA's Carl Wiglesworth program. They opened the show up with an announcement of Grace's arrival. Apparently Carl liked Grace Dakota's name. I'll have the audio posted in a few days.

Television: On August 3rd at 11:00am, Grace had a rose dedicated to her on the live broadcast of the First Baptist Church service.

Newspaper: In the August 11th Sunday Edition of the Express News, my dad wrote a great column about Grace.

Internet: Obviously Grace is making multiple appearances on this website. But now a very popular, conservative, and sometimes controversial web author, Rachel Lucas, has listed our website as her Favorite New Blog (Blog = Web Log). Go check out her site. We're listed on the left hand column about half-way down her main page.

With all of this media exposure, I'm getting a bit anxious with Grace's continued inability to master certain abilities yet. My anxiety peaked the other day as I was discussing her slow progress on the piano and trumpet with another parent. They informed me that for the next few months I shouldn't expect speedy development from my child in the areas of physical mobility, emotional stability, or complex forms of communication... not to mention various musical skills. I was simply shocked. But then I remembered their child was a percussionist.

As many of you know, my wife has opted to stay at home with our new little baby. As a result, we've had to take a new look at our personal finances. There is no way to determine how much it will cost to raise a child from birth all the way to college or, God help us, graduate school. So I plugged some numbers into a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet to at least make my calculations look official. So far I estimate that the cost of raising our daughter to the age of three can be broken down as follows:

Diapers and baby wipes ---- $15,000
Everything Else ---- $214

Of course reducing a child to mere dollars and cents just isn't right. After all, children bring a lot to the equation. For instance, once I had my friends 4 year old daughter with me while trying to make it through a very thick crowd at a local sporting event. So I simply held her up high and yelled, "Sick Child, Sick Child... Coming Through!" loud enough so nobody heard my friend's daughter saying, "But I'm not sick." And the crowd made way. And that's just one small example. I have more... tons more. But you never know how many authorities might be reading this entry.

Fatherhood is cool. A new life is in the house. She's adorable and cute. She looks at me with warm, curious gazes. But mostly I'm getting to spend an uncharacterstically large amount of time watching The History Channel! You wouldn't believe how many baby things you can accomplish while watching Mail Call or Basic Training. I should have had kids years ago! I bet Mormons and Catholics get to watch LOTS of television.

Keep an eye out in my pictures section in the right hand column. I'll be posting a few new pictures I took with Zerocool's digital camera. I'll post them before today is done!

Grace turned 1 week old yesterday. She's getting cuter every day, but I'm a bit frustrated with her slow progress on the piano.

Security around The Nesting Facility is, of course, tight. My snipers are on a 6 hour rotation.

Here are some pictures from the delivery room.

Name: Grace Dakota Stinson
Birthday: July 30th, 2002 at 4:56pm
Weight: 7lbs. and 4.9 ounces
Length: 20 1/4 inches

She started out looking a bit like a space-alien, tadpole.




But last Tuesday she came out looking like quite the lovely little girl.



More Pictures coming soon!